Because I know my body!
Most of these pictures are NOT me, what I mean by not me is there's this syndrome called PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which 1 in 10 woman have it & I'm that 1. As many may know I suffer from Depression, Anxiety, Mood Swings, Irregular Menstrual (May come every few months, not at all, or too frequently ) Infertility, Excess hair on my face or other parts of my body called Hirsutism (Her-suit-is-em), trouble losing weight or continuously gaining weight. A lot of woman suffer from PCOS but every symptom is different, some woman suffer from Acanthosis Nigricans which are patches of dark skin on the back of their neck or other areas, Insomnia, Acne, Ovarian Cyst, Pelvic Pain, Skin Tags, Fatigue, Crave Sugar & more. PCOS is not curable but definitely treatable. I wasn't born with PCOS but some are & I found out I was diagnosed at the age of 16 but had no idea till I was 18. 16 years old is where the facial hair got darker & I gained more weight. Depression kicked in & that was a done deal. Depression is so hard to get out of that no one realizes unless you have PCOS or just depression in general. My days can go from happy to sad no matter what I'm doing, my attitude can go from 0-100 real quick. I can snap anytime, I've had suicidal thoughts, I've cut myself, there's times where I wanted the world to end & there's times where I wanted to take my own life. I'm okay though. The one thing I wanted in life were children & that is why I surrounded myself with kids, they bring out a side of me that no one can. What some woman have with their kids, the bond they create, I wanted to know what it's like to have had those feelings.. I wanted to know what it's like to be called mom... I stop here because as you read this you're probably thinking about bringing adoption up. Okay adoption is an easy word to throw out there but without realizing that it comes with a payment. Adoption is NOT free! Adoption is beautiful but it's not for me. I wanted my own, one I can actually say I carried you, you have my facial expressions, you've got my nose or eyes, my attitude, just something from me. I've went to hospitals where it felt like my new home as to how many times I went & how long I'd be there. At times I'll see a RN or a DR & they'd ask me "what is PCOS?" I look at them with that face of disgust because as a human with your professionalism being in the medical field how do you not know that? So I must have been the first one you've actually met? Long story short, I had pain in my ovaries & I went to the hospital, so they asked me what's wrong, so I told her "my ovaries are hurting me." She looks at me with a face and asks me "How do you know it's your ovaries?" I stopped and looked at her with frustration and said "because I know my body!" I was in too much pain to care. So she gave me my name bracelet and we went from there. That had boiled my blood so much that I thought I would've had to leave the hospital. So they gave me meds & said "If it continues, come back." Yup and that's what I did for quite sometime. Nothing helped, no birth control, no other pills, nothing. So yes it's been 7 years since I was diagnosed and I'm stuck with this & you know what? I've never felt so beautiful!!