From far away I’m your average 20-something from Southern California.I thrive in fast paced environments, love food, have dreams of world travel, and like cats.
Most people would say I’m ambitious. Since elementary school I had plans to go to college and take over the world – or at least run a business. At one point I was taking 18 college units at a 4-year university, working a 20-hour per week public relations internship AND working as a store manager at Disneyland. I went to school 5 days a week and worked 7 days a week.
I’ve had a fairly impressive career – graduating with honors from Chapman University, working for a Fortune 500 company, and helping start up a tech company. I spend most of my time with my best friend and our cat.
Oh yeah – I also have Fibromyalgia.
I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in April 2014, after years of seemingly random hospitalizations – allergic reactions to medications, kidney infections, surgery complications…fun times. The concept of being perpetually sick is daunting and depressing. When officially diagnosed with a chronic condition, it was mixed reaction of comfort – I now have a name for the thing – and sadness – I now have to live with this thing. So, now what?
Having something with no cure, sucks. Having a something that modern medicine doesn’t know much about, really blows. It won’t kill you, but it’s going to make life pretty tough sometimes. When I was diagnosed doctors said my options were 1) drugs, drugs and more drugs or 2) suck it up and deal with it – fun, right?
Everyone experiences Fibromyalgia differently, and current research is overwhelming and all over the place. According to Mayo Clinic “Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain, accompanied by fatigue, sleep memory and mood issues.” Research is a bit spotty, as the condition was only given a name in the past few years, but some believe painful sensations are amplified due to the way my brain processes pain signals.
My mother was diagnosed a few years back and some studies suggest it’s hereditary. Many believe people are pre-wired to have Fibromyalgia, but symptoms begin after a physical trauma, surgery, infection or significant psychological stress – for me this was years of hospitalizations causing physical and mental stress.
Some days are great, others it feels like I’ve been hit by a bus…repeatedly.
I’ve gone into several spirals of intense anxiety and depression. Sometimes I bounce back quickly and sometimes it lasts for months. Though my life has been full of unknowns, I know one thing for sure – I’m tired. I’m tired of inconclusive tests. I’m tired of ‘looking fine’. I’m tired of people thinking I’m lazy. I’m tired of my family thinking I’ve become a negative person. I’m tired of losing friends. I’m tired of feeling like I’m stuck in the bottom of a deep well. I’m tired of being tired.
I know my condition negatively affects those closest to me, so I do my best to be self-aware and positive – but it’s a learning process. Please be patient with me.
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